As a trans woman, not many things give me a headache the way the entire concept of passing does. Passing is the idea that if a trans woman (or any person who is presenting as a woman) looks, dresses and acts a certain way, people won’t be able to tell they are anything other than a completely “normal” woman. If you look at online trans communities or forums, you’ll find tons of tips on how to pass better – everything from hair removal tips to workouts to how to walk and sit more femininely.
All of this presupposes that there is only one right way to look like and be a woman. And it’s infuriating. On the one hand, whenever I go out in public or post pictures online, a part of me is deathly afraid that I’ll be insulted or worse. I desperately want to be accepted as the woman I am. On the other hand, I hate that in order to feel safe, I’m expected to fit into the very narrow box that is labeled “woman.” Tips on how to pass always seem to say that you should avoid building muscle mass and avoid wearing clothes and makeup that are too costumey, that you should try to hide your shoulders and soften your features. Trans women are often told that if we want to pass, we have to try our hardest to be petite, soft, have just the right amount of femininity, and not stand out too much. But what if I want to be a different kind of woman? What if I want to look like Grace Jones or Kate Moennig? What if I want to look like Beth Ditto or Dolly Parton? They’re all cis women; don’t they pass? —
Meyllen Djneres (via muffinsandcouture)
The moral of “passing” discussions always seems to be:
If you get bashed it will be your fault.
Black lesbian relationships pose little threat to ‘self-defined’ Black men and women secure in their sexualities. But loving relationships among Black women do pose a tremendous threat to systems of intersecting oppressions. How dare these women love one another in a context that deems Black women as a collectivity so unlovable and devalued? — Patricia Hill Collin (via staying-true)
- menstrual blood is gross, ew- keep it 13918321 miles away from me YUCK
- Cum? You swallow that shit. I’ll rub that shit all over your face and tits.
But so often, “creating drama” is a phrase that people use when they want someone who has been a victim of something to shut up. It allows them to blame the victim for bringing the problem to their attention and making them feel bad while glossing over the fact that the drama was really created by the victimizER back when they did bad things. The friend group gets all caught up in issues of “fairness” and “logic” and “It was so long ago, why are you dredging it all up now?” and treating the victim’s feelings (or, again, quite rational & reasonable request to not have to sit next to one’s rapist at dinner) as illogical and unreasonable.
Someone who accuses you of “creating drama” in this case is basically saying that abusing & raping one’s partner might be bad, but making people feel weird about it at parties is worse. —
#393: My friends keep inviting my abusive ex and me to the same parties, despite being asked directly not to. (via slutwalkseattle)
The whole post is really good, especially if you need a refresher course in How Not To Be Horrible
Community abuse & rape apologism is something that abusers WILL & DO rely on to allow their abuse to continue & to push the victim into spaces where they cannot talk about any past abuses that transpired. Read this whole post and work on NEVER being a friend who asks someone to hang out with their rapist or abuser.
bolding & re-reblogging.
Charlie, you are so good with words and people.
I asked all of the gay male students in the room to raise their hand if in the past week they touched a woman’s body without her consent. After a moment of hesitation, all of the hands of the gay men in the room went up. I then asked the same gay men to raise their hand if in the past week they offered a woman unsolicited advice about how to “improve” her body or her fashion. Once again, after a moment of hesitation, all of the hands in the room went up.
These questions came after a brief exploration of gay men’s relationship to American fashion and women’s bodies. That dialogue included recognizing that gay men in the United States are often hailed as the experts of women’s fashion and by proxy women’s bodies. In addition to this there is a dominant logic that suggests that because gay men have no conscious desire to be sexually intimate with women, our uninvited touching and groping (physical assault) is benign. —
Gay Men’s Sexism and Women’s Bodies by Yolo Akili (via plightofthepretty)
Gay man ≠ exempt from misogyny
you are allowed to terminate toxic relationships
you are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you
you are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving
you don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself
(Source: , via fuckyeahwomenprotesting2)
Many people have already found my feature in Seventeen Magazine, so I am really excited to finally talk about this after hiding it for two months!
As of May 20th, I am the first Hijabi to be featured in Seventeen magazine. I’m really humbled and honored to announced that I’m working with Gucci, Beyonce for her campaign, Chime for Change and Seventeen Magazine to unite and strengthen the voices speaking out for girls and women around the world.
I would like to thank everyone who has constantly shown support, but more importantly thank God for all the opportunities, people and happiness He has bestowed upon me. Without Him, I wouldn’t be where I am today because He was able to help me become a better poet with my second family, my poetry slam team and my wonderful coach who helped me find my voice and believing in me. Thank you to my parents and siblings, as well as my friends for supporting me in everything I do. Thank you to Kevin Coval for Louder Than a Bomb, because if I had never competed, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Alhumdulillah, I really thank God for helping me by letting others see the best in me and hiding my flaws.
The issue is in stores all over the world, on itunes, amazon and kindle. Please make sure to buy a copy to show your support, it would mean so much! If you are unable to buy the magazine, here is a high-res scan of this article. There are videos of my poetry on youtube, you can search by typing in “ainee fatima”
I will be posting a video of my trip and photoshoot in a couple of days, make sure you look out for it. Thank you again to everyone for supporting me in everything I do, I wouldn’t be here without your support.
Brown women doing awesome things FOREVER.
(TW: rape) When asked by prosecutors why he didn’t stop the incident, he said, ‘It wasn’t violent. I didn’t know exactly what rape was. I thought it was forcing yourself on someone.’ —
from CNN.com, testimony by Evan Westlake, 18, a Steubenville football and baseball player
I didn’t know exactly what rape was… A fundamental issue of rape culture.
And there it is.
I don’t have the words to express how this makes me feel.
This is what we’ve taught them.
See what rape culture has wrought?
“I thought it was forcing yourself on someone”
Because we’ve been talking this bullshit about boogeymen jumping out of the bushes as the only rapist archetype.
I was literally just telling my housemate that this is one of the reasons why rape culture exists. People are not educated as to what constitutes rape!
Curious how often this happens.
If a woman wants to see the nature of a man, tell him “No. —
Bev Jo (via marjchaos)
And then you’ll see that it’s really men who are the irrational and hyper-emotional ones (p.s., anger is an emotion and males with an entitlement complex excel at expressing it, especially towards women and girls who don’t or refuse to succumb to his bullshit).
When guys wear sweat pants I can feel every nook and cranny of their boner on my ass. I do not appreciate this, and it just comes off as a way of trying to get as much out of me as possible which spending as little as possible. To me, it says this customer does not have any respect for me and only cares about getting his rocks off. Generally, men like that do not see me as a person and have no respect for my boundaries and will try and get away with whatever they can, my comfort and consent is irrelevant to them. It immediately puts me on guard, and definitely changes how I dance for them. I am not relaxed and in the moment having fun, I am too busy being hyper vigilant about where your hands/mouth/boner are. —
From StripperWeb with regards to how dancers feel about customers wearing sweatpants. (via katiesloane)
My first lap dance the guy unzipped his pants for “wiggle room”. It was my first so I thought it was normal. This is the kind of shit the club or other dancers should warn you about beforehand.
A woman, who declined to give her name, is hugged by her husband as they chat between the border fence separating Nogales, Arizona, and Nogales, Mexico, on July 28, 2010. (AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)
On the Border - In Focus
When Mahatma Gandhi launched his campaign of peaceful resistance, Churchill raged that he “ought to be lain bound hand and foot at the gates of Delhi, and then trampled on by an enormous elephant with the new Viceroy seated on its back.” As the resistance swelled, he announced: “I hate Indians. They are a beastly people with a beastly religion.” This hatred killed. To give just one, major, example, in 1943 a famine broke out in Bengal, caused – as the Nobel Prize-winning economist Amartya Sen has proved – by the imperial policies of the British. Up to 3 million people starved to death while British officials begged Churchill to direct food supplies to the region. He bluntly refused. He raged that it was their own fault for “breeding like rabbits”. At other times, he said the plague was “merrily” culling the population. —
Not his finest hour: The dark side of Winston Churchill (via foucaultthehaters)
i’m gonna use this in my paper to justify the right of the oppressed to use violence