Stop seeing yourself as a list of problems. I caught myself thinking - this is when I was 34 - ‘I’ll write a book when my life begins’. I caught myself thinking this and I thought ‘What do I mean when my life begins?’ Then I realised what I meant was when I was finally properly thin and very smooth and my hair was naturally brilliant and I had a walk-in wardrobe like the one Carrie Bradshaw has in Sex and the City and my house was tidy and I’d finally gotten round to having a regular manicure and pedicure regime…I don’t know, just kind of perfect. Pretty, I guess, and kind of perfect, and everything was serene and calm. And then I started…this is the argument I’m having in my head, and the cleverer me is going ‘What the fuck are you on about? That’s never going to happen. If it was going to happen it would have happened by now. You’re 34. Your life has already begun. It began in 1975 when you were born. If you’re doing to do something, get on with it now. Stop waiting.’ I think women have this feeling of waiting - when I’ve just lost that bit of weight, then things will happen, then things will be possible. Stop seeing yourself as a list of problems, stop going ‘Everything will be fine when I’ve sorted these things out’, start enjoying your life now.
Caitlin Moran on what advice she would give to young women (via wordsthat-speak)
Okay so heres something that I feel ppl never take into consideration when using this example- if the cup was full prior, and you poured out half of it, it is totally valid for it to be seen as half empty, and if prior the cup was empty, it would totally make sense that someone would view it as half full. So be aware that past experiences have an affect on how ppl view things and you telling them to “look on the bright side” is just another way of saying “conform to my mindset”.
Girls and women disproportionately are taught to be in denial about their own sexual urges, and yet rely inappropriately on their sex appeal. The denial occurs both ways: Women are expected to deny the presence of their sexual desire (to guard chastity), and to deny its absence (to be sexually responsive to men). In a world in which such denial is the norm, women will lack the kind of agency and responsibility needed to meet their own desires for pleasure, well-being, support, and meaning in their lives.
Professor Nina Pillard, Georgetown University
…few lawyers have done more to advance the cause of women’s equality than…Pillard—and few lawyers have been as successful in their efforts to do so. By confirming Pillard to the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, the Senate will ensure that the…women’s perspective…will not be absent from the bench on the day the elderly Ginsburg retires. That is, of course, if Pillard is confirmed.
Being sexually active with men, one thing I’ve come to realize is just how easily threatened some men are by a woman who knows what she wants, isn’t afraid to demand it, and even more so when she wants things that do not fit in with whatever lies hetero cis men are sold about women’s sexual desires. as if men are the only ones that think about 24/7 and have constant urges. as if women can’t detach themselves from the people they have sex with.
That is so true. Just the other day I brought a man home and after we had sex I just wanted to sleep, and he tried to cuddle me or whatever and I said I didn’t want it, he was so surprised and starting asking all theses questions about my previous relationships, as if the only reason I had for the fact that I did not want to cuddle with him was because I had been deeply hurt by some men. For him, my (inexistent) emotions towards him were a reflection of the (inexistence) of emotions that another man had towards me. He was unable to conceive the idea that all I wanted was sex, and sex only.
Today I took myself out for lunch. I was feeling happy and you know, I deserve good things.
I went to the mall, because I wanted more options and since it’s saturday I figured I’d go a little late, because I hate food courts at lunchtime! So, since I had a thing at 3pm, I got there at around 2pm (I am a slow eater, I take my time).
As I sat there, an older man came up to me and asked to sit with me because “he hated eating by himself”, my answer as a clear and sober “no”. I didn’t feel the need to apologize or justify my answer, he asked me a question and I answered. End of conversation.
He went on to get his food and to my surprise HE SAT THERE!!! I was at a 4 people table, he sat in front of me but to my right, not directly to my face. BUT HE STILL SAT AT MY TABLE.
I was so furious and uncomfortable! I said nothing, I just stood there and avoided eye contact or any kind of conversation.. I remained silent throughout the meal, despite the fact that he tried to make small talk.
I am a very slow eater, and when I’m nervous or anxious I eat even slower, and with a creep staring at me, I couldn’t eat properly! He finished eating way before me and then he just stood there contemplating his male privilege, his conquer, his feeling of entitlement, because obviously despite my very obvious and clear no, he sat there anyways! When I finished, I quickly got up to leave and he thanked me - as if I had ever agreed to having lunch with him!!
Argh! It was awful.. And the more I think about it, the more I feel like I should have said something, I should’ve done something, but I just stood there and ate my lunch.. It ruined my day.
that last line is so fucking disrespectful to nicki. what he did is gross and inappropriate, and from what it sounds like he’s been stalking her for a long time. if you watch the video of his “proposal” here, it’s obvious that he’s one of those guys who just doesn’t have a fucking clue what’s okay and what real connection and respect are, and when they’re crossing someones boundaries. what she did is really important, especially as a woc (maybe a qwoc? I don’t know how she identifies) with her visibility and audience. don’t fucking trivialize how serious and admirable this is.
and i mean, they’re labelmates, so who knows how long this has been going on.
what? i couldnt even watch the whole proposal because it is so so icky and gross and ugh. good for nicki.
why is mtv supporting and perpetrating this? and who wrote that blurb where they cant get the pronouns correct in that he “constantly shows up to HER concerts all across the country”.
lets hope the state of ny upholds this restraining order
why does he think he EVER had a chance with Nicki?! get a damn hint dude. also Rick Ross’ response that she needs to “sit that ass on his [Khaled’s] lap” is nasty. I also hate that it’s being couched as cute instead of absolutely creepy
A woman fed up and taking action against a man stalking her? Must be faking it. That’s the only possible explanation.
Now you know Black women aren’t allowed to be afraid for their safety!
We’re the unrapeable she beasts!
We can handle everything and anything and we’re supposed to do so with no complaint!
Thus says the white supremacist society
Me and Nicki have our differences but I totally support her decision to care for her self being! And these rappers are all messed up, we already knew that.. the music industry eats, sleeps and breathes sexism!! I can’t even imagine what will the music industry be like when feminists take this whole shit down, honeslty! And you know what, people are gonna say she “overreacted” and that “she should sit on his lap” (WTF Rick Ross? what exactly are u trynna say here?!), but the truth of the matter is that if this then escalated into a Rihanna-Chris Brown-ish drama, the same people were gonna say “why didn’t she do something?/how did it get to this point?/ didn’t she know that he was bad news?” .. YOU GO NICKI!! DO YOUR THING <3
To suggest that one’s belly, body hair or tattoo is ‘distasteful’ and should therefore be covered in the name of etiquette is the very worst sort of body fascism. If your children are traumatised by the sight of a fat person in a bikini, a bit of cellulite or a caesarean scar, then may I tentatively suggest that you aren’t raising them correctly. If seeing someone hairy wearing something skimpy renders you ‘unable to eat your lunch’ then I’m afraid my diagnosis is the problem is with your brain, not their body.
Forcing women to have children, or pathologizing women because they admittedly don’t want children, is merely another product of our “factory-farm-complex” where we broadcast and exercise our privileges by hijacking the lives of marginalized populations. This is the epitome of oppression. With non-human animals, we have “bodied” them to such an extent that we justify our objectification of them by stating that they are “lower” than us. Similarly, women in our sexist patriarchal culture are generally regarded as one-dimensional sexualized bodies that our patriarchal culture controls to flaunt its privilege and power. Women just become bodies…bodies that can be used, abused, objectified, raped, and even forced to give birth.
Yesterday I read like five magazines in the airplane— it was a nine hour flight— and three out of five magazines said “Diplo: the mastermind behind M.I.A.’s politics!” And I was wondering, does that stem from [Pitchfork]? Because I find it really bonkers…And I just find it a bit upsetting and kind of insulting that I can’t have any ideas on my own because I’m a female or that people from undeveloped countries can’t have ideas of their own unless it’s backed up by someone who’s blond-haired and blue-eyed. After the first time it’s cool, the second time it’s cool, but after like the third, fourth, fifth time, maybe it’s an issue that we need to talk about, maybe that’s something important, you know.
I do not understand this “male privilege” bullshit.
What. Fucking. Privileges. Do. Men. Have.???????
Name them. I swear, I challenge you to name these “male privileges” and be able to prove them.
Come on, I fucking dare you.
Oh boy. Well, as a man, I’ll tell you my male privilege.
My odds of being hired for a job, when competing against female applicants, are probably skewed in my favor. The more prestigious the job, the larger the odds are skewed.
I can be confident in the fact that my co-workers won’t think that I was hired/promoted because of my sex - despite the fact that it’s probably true.
If I ever am promoted when a woman of my peers is better suited for the job, it is because of my sex.
If i ever fail at my job or career, it won’t be seen as a blacklist against my sex’s capabilities.
I am far less likely to face sexual harassment than my female peers.
If I do the same task as a woman, and if the measurement is at all subjective, chances are people will think I did a better job.
If I am a teen or an adult, and I stay out of prison, my odds of getting raped are relatively low.
On average, I’m taught that walking alone after dark by myself is less than dangerous than it is for my female peers.
If I choose not to have children, my masculinity will not be questioned.
If I do have children but I do not provide primary care for them, my masculinity will not be questioned.
If I have children and I do care for them, I’ll be praised even if my care is only marginally competent.
If I have children and a career, no one will think I’m selfish for not staying at home.
If I seek political office, my relationship with my children or who I deem to take care of them will more often not be scrutinized by the press.
My elected representatives are mostly people of my own sex. The more prestigious the position, the more this is true.
When i seek out “the person in charge”, it is likely that they will be someone of my own sex. The higher the position, the more often this is true.
As a child, chances are I am encouraged to be more active and outgoing than my sisters.
As a child, I could choose from an almost infinite variety of children’s media featuring positive, active, non-stereotyped heroes of my own sex. I never had to look for it; male protagonists were (and are) the default.
As a child, chances are I got more teacher attention than girls who raised their hands just as often.
If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether or not it has sexist overtones. (Nobody’s going to ask if I’m upset because I’m menstruating.)
I can turn on the television or glance at the front page of the newspaper and see people of my own sex widely represented.
If I’m careless with my financial affairs it won’t be attributed to my sex.
If I’m careless with my driving it won’t be attributed to my sex.
I can speak in public to a large group without putting my sex on trial.
Even if I sleep with a lot of women, there is little to no chance that I will be seriously labeled a “slut,” nor is there any male counterpart to “slut-bashing.”
I do not have to worry about the message my wardrobe sends about my sexual availability.
My clothing is typically less expensive and better-constructed than women’s clothing for the same social status. While I have fewer options, my clothes will probably fit better than a woman’s without tailoring.
The grooming regimen expected of me is relatively cheap and consumes little time.
If I buy a new car, chances are I’ll be offered a better price than a woman buying the same car. The same goes for other expensive merchandise.
If I’m not conventionally attractive, the disadvantages are relatively small and easy to ignore.
I can be loud with no fear of being called a shrew. I can be aggressive with no fear of being called a bitch.
I can ask for legal protection from violence that happens mostly to men without being seen as a selfish special interest, since that kind of violence is called “crime” and is a general social concern. (Violence that happens mostly to women is usually called “domestic violence” or “acquaintance rape,” and is seen as a special interest issue.)
I can be confident that the ordinary language of day-to-day existence will always include my sex. “All men are created equal,” mailman, chairman, freshman, he.
My ability to make important decisions and my capability in general will never be questioned depending on what time of the month it is.
I will never be expected to change my name upon marriage or questioned if I don’t change my name.
The decision to hire me will not be based on assumptions about whether or not I might choose to have a family sometime soon.
Every major religion in the world is led primarily by people of my own sex. Even God, in most major religions, is pictured as male.
Most major religions argue that I should be the head of my household, while my wife and children should be subservient to me.
If I have a wife or live-in girlfriend, chances are we’ll divide up household chores so that she does most of the labor, and in particular the most repetitive and unrewarding tasks.
If I have children with my girlfriend or wife, I can expect her to do most of the basic childcare such as changing diapers and feeding.
If I have children with my wife or girlfriend, and it turns out that one of us needs to make career sacrifices to raise the kids, chances are we’ll both assume the career sacrificed should be hers.
Assuming I am heterosexual, magazines, billboards, television, movies, pornography, and virtually all of media is filled with images of scantily-clad women intended to appeal to me sexually. Such images of men exist, but are rarer.
In general, I am under much less pressure to be thin than my female counterparts are. If I am over-weight, I probably suffer fewer social and economic consequences for being fat than over-weight women do.
If I am heterosexual, it’s incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever be beaten up by a spouse or lover.
Complete strangers generally do not walk up to me on the street and tell me to “smile.”
Sexual harassment on the street virtually never happens to me. I do not need to plot my movements through public space in order to avoid being sexually harassed, or to mitigate sexual harassment.
On average, I am not interrupted by women as often as women are interrupted by men.
On average, I will have the privilege of not knowing about my male privilege.
And lastly, I am taken as a more credible feminist than my female peers, despite the fact that the feminist movement is not liberating to my sex.
This is male privilege.
laughs because the OP deleted the post
male privilege also goes a lot deeper than all of this obvious shit, but that’s something you can’t make them understand
OP is pretending he never made the post and this was faked, and that someone is out to get him. Men are such whiny victims.
OMG now he’s going with “this was a social experiment, and people are mad so obviously it worked”
I have never, in all my time on tumblr seen an anti-feminist man pretend he never made a post or that it was a “social experiment” he didn’t believe in when called out beya woman. The fact he is acknowledging this guy’s word as valid and that he is conceding to it…as opposed to attacking, disbelieving or mocking him in response as he would a woman making the same exact points… that is male privilege
Most guys do not have to deal with the world of women. They’re born from us, they live around us, but for the most part, we take care of our own shit. We buy our own tampons. We deal with skeevy guys who catcall us. We deal with crappier work situations. We deal with getting told we suck at things because we have a vagina, and that we need to be prettier.
Even when these guys married, they still married someone who dealt with this stuff solo. There might be stories and gripe sessions, but they tended to try to equate some part of their experience to the woman’s. Sure, you’re told to be beautiful, but I’m told to lift heavy things! Same, right?
Then, they had daughters.
Kids are very good at not dealing with their own shit. It’s not their job. It’s yours. Suddenly, you’re shoved into a toy aisle where there’s nary a Lego or car or building block, but instead, rows and rows of dead-eyed dolls. You realize how hard it is to find play clothes for a girl, because everything seems to be optimized for ‘cute’ rather than ‘comfort.’ You hear people compliment your daughter only on how pretty she is, and never on how smart or clever she is.
The girl goes to school, and you watch how she’s never called on. You hear someone insult someone else by calling them ‘a girl’, and it stings. Your little girl is awesome! She’s brave and smart and funny! Why would anyone use that as an insult? Then, you remember all the times you did it.
And then, you realize that, all along, you’ve been a part of the problem.
So, it’s not a perfect way to get men to be more aware of feminism. It would be better if they were raised into it. But it’s still a way.
thank you again, Tumblr. I love this. #abortion #prochoice
and the cure for cancer couldn’t be on the mind of a baby that I was considering aborting anyways, because the baby has no critical thought what so ever! Also, even if it was, if I have no money to provide to the child, and then the child ends up having a crappy education how is that cure going to get developed anyways?? it’s not like the baby gonna come out and start experimenting shit on the lab.. you have to invest a lot of money and a lot of patience to raise a kid to be someone that brilliant, and I lack both.
I love her!! This got me thinking, imagine her frustration!! Hollywood has some f*ked up thing with black women you know, it was either a teenager or a maid, so of well.. Meanwhile this white bitches that started with her are already playing moms/aunts/brides/..
For most of America, Psy is a funny name, a funny face, and a funny personality. He doesn’t sing in English and most people just don’t get it leaving most of them to not take him seriously. It’s easy to strip the significance behind “Gangnam Style” down if you don’t know what it means and solely find entertainment in the Asian guy shaking his hips. But what most people don’t realize is that Psy doesn’t take himself seriously. He’s a satirist and political dissident. “Gangnam Style” was a commentary, not just a fun pop tune with a silly dance.
Gangnam is Seoul’s wealthiest and flashiest neighborhood. For South Koreans, Gangnam represents the ideal life of excess and consumerism. Psy’s character in the video is a wannabe Gangnamite. He dreams he’s living the flashy, excessive lifestyle while he’s really just like everyone else, swimming in a public pool and riding the subway. But never in the video does it seem that Psy’s character is unhappy. He’s content to play in a children’s playground and meet the girl of his dreams in the subway. “Gangnam Style” is much more that we have made it, but that’s not surprising considering Psy’s background and how little we know about it.
In America, it seems like “Gangnam Style” was Psy’s big break when in fact the song had been released on his sixth studio album and his music career hadn’t been about making flashy and catchy songs. He believes music is the key to overcoming the intolerance embedded in his country’s political systems. Throughout his career, his songs have been banned for inappropriate content and have been surrounded by controversy, not to mention the fact that he fought his mandatory military draft.
Psy is a voice for his people. He’s fighting the oppression and intolerance he sees in his culture through his music. And by ignoring his worth and his value, we’re reducing the culture of South Korea into a short man with funny pants doing a ridiculous dance.
"Here are all of things that Judith says immediately before Harley has sex with her in his private plane: "No." “Stop it." “I don’t want to." “Get off of me." Judith does not want to have sex with Harley. (There’s another layer of nuance here—one reason Judith doesn’t want to have sex with Harley is that she’s deeply invested in Perry’s beloved gender roles. But the reason for her “no” is irrelevant. Her spiritual weakness betrays her, Harley can tell she wants it, and she’s punished for that weakness.)
He does not stop. He just tries harder. He knows what she really wants, no matter what her mouth and body are saying. She never says yes.He says, smugly, “Now you can say you resisted.” He has sex with her anyway. This is a rape scene. But, in Perry’s universe, Harley is right. She did secretly want it. And that’s the real problem.”
“This idea—that men know what women really want, that resistance can be fucked out of us (or consent fucked into us)—is DEEPLY NOT OKAY. It’s not okay to telegraph this to young men or young women or victims of sexual violence or potential perpetrators of sexual violence or lawmakers or anyone. It’s a paradigm that I was hoping had died out with Pepe LePew. It is frightening.”
I think it’s VERY important that everyone, ladies and gentleman, understands that this is a rape scene. This isn’t breaking down defenses or playing hard to get. Coercing, manipulating, threatening, intimidating, or even guilt tripping someone saying no into sex is rape. Doesn’t matter if they don’t scream or kick or cry. Doesn’t matter if they are your boyfriend, husband, fuck buddy, crush, or stranger.
Zerlina Maxwell Offers 5 Ways We Can Teach Men Not to Rape
Just in case you missed it, Zerlina Maxwell went on FOX News this weekend and brilliantly put rape culture on blast. While appearing as a guest on Hannity, the prolific writer and social media commentator said that when it comes to preventing rape, we must look beyond the reactionary impulse to just give women more guns. Instead, we need to teach men not to rape.
“I think that the entire conversation is wrong. I don’t want anybody to be telling women anything. I don’t want men to be telling me what to wear and how to act, not to drink. And I don’t, honestly, want you to tell me that I needed a gun in order to prevent my rape. In my case, don’t tell me if I’d only had a gun, I wouldn’t have been raped. Don’t put it on me to prevent the rape.”
Maxwell’s comments got lots of attention and caused a ripple effect on weekend social media. Implicit in them was that the problem isn’t just individual behaviors, but a culture of patriarchy. This morning, she followed them up with a piece at EBONY.com on five ways we can teach men not to rape. “Rape culture is a pervasive part of our society because of social conditioning,” Maxwell wrote. “Yet we struggle to find ways to avoid patterns of victim blaming and many of us would rather advise women on the precautions they should take to avoid being raped as opposed to starting at the root of the problem: teaching men and boys not to be rapists in the first place.”
1. Teach young men about legal consent: Legal consent is number one for a reason. Without it, sexual contact with someone is rape whether you intended to rape or not. A woman who is drunk, unconscious, sleeping cannot give legal consent. And it’s not about a woman simply saying “no,” it’s really about making certain she’s saying yes.
2. Teach young men to see women’s humanity, instead of seeing them as sexual objects there for male pleasure: There is a reason why women are shamed into silence and teenage boys in Steubenville, Ohio are caught on camera laughing about gang raping an unconscious girl at a party. The dehumanization of women spans all areas of American life.
3. Teach young men how to express healthy masculinity: The question that’s being asked about what women can do to prevent violence against them is the wrong question. It’s not what can a woman say or do that can prevent being attacked. We need to turn that paradigm
4. Teach young men to believe women who come forward and not to blame the victim: The vast majority of women do not report their rapes to the police and many more only tell one or two people in confidence.
5. Teach young men about bystander intervention: Both Men Stopping Violence and Men Can Stop Rape have bystander intervention workshops for men of all ages. “It’s about community accountability,” says Pandit, “We require men to talk to other men in their lives and tell them about these programs. It is important that we have community networks that hold men accountable.”